So I started seeing someone new recently. I think at this point I have come to the realization that I either attract or am only attracted to someone that is an absolute hot mess. Let’s call him "The Original Gangster" or “OG” if you will. He is old enough to be my father and I am pretty sure that when I first met him he was wearing a smoking jacket.

I met up with OG for a few drinks last night. I had already tied one on pretty well when he walked into the bar. As he was approaching me I noticed he was wearing a plaid jacket and if I remember correctly there were some patches involved in there somewhere. Had I not been so inebriated I am sure I would have mentioned his attire and most likely asked him what in the hell he was thinking when he got dressed for the evening. However at the time I think I was just trying to concentrate on holding myself up at bar.

Cut to a few hours later and we have stumbled our way down the canal and found ourselves back at my place. After we ransacked my apartment looking for a lighter and raided my fridge we both passed out. We somehow managed to jack up my bed so bad that for a few moments I was trapped in my comforter and for the life of me could not figure out how to get out of it.

I am not exactly sure what time it was when OG woke me up in the middle of the night but I know this much… the words that came out of his mouth were right up there with “I smoked my mom”. This bastard wakes me up and tells me “Baby… I can’t find my gun”. What the hell? Your what? Apparently he had been packin some heat underneath his Mr. Rogers jacket the entire evening.

At this point not only has he woken me up to tell me that he has lost his gun in my apartment but now he wants me to help him look for it. What an amazing date this turned out to be. I somehow free myself from the jaws of my comforter and begin tearing my apartment apart looking for this mystery gun. He proceeds to tell me that he hid it somewhere and he cannot remember where it put it. I ask him why in the world he would hide his gun from himself in the middle of the night. He has no idea. With that kind of logic running around in his head I am now sure that we are destined to have children.

We eventually find his 45 after looking in every drunk person’s favorite hiding places. We looked through my pots and pans, we tore through my closet, we opened the dog food, and I am pretty sure we even looked in the Christmas tree. When I woke up this morning it looked like my apartment had been burglarized.