Monday, June 22, 2009

My Very Own Cinderella

Needless to say I have been dreading this past weekend like a wart on your vag. I would have rather slipped into a coma for 72 hours than gone through my first fathers day without my Dad. Obviously this was not possible. With my brother thousands of miles away, I decided to take this opportunity to hibernate with my pug inside the comforts of my fabulous new apartment.

I had a weekend planned of pj's, take out, and a trip to blockbuster. After the week I had, it was in my best interest to stay away from the general public... mostly for their own safety. However there was one small hole in my plan, I had agreed much earlier in the week to go out with Brett Michaels on Friday night. Though I had absolutely no desire to be in any public venue where I would run the risk of seeing anyone with their father or even just happy people in general. I knew it would be good for me to get out of the house for at least one night.

I drove out to Saginaw to pick up my date for what was to be an evening I will always remember. As I was waiting in my car for Brett to come out, I thought to myself that no matter what, I really did want this evening to be fun. I needed laughter and I needed uncomplicated. As Brett walked up to my car I felt the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up. No matter what I have said about this man or the sheer fact that he smoked his mom, he still does things to me. I wish I could explain or better yet even describe it. He is just sexy. Even in his horrible clothing and his terminator sunglasses... I just want to jump him. Moving on.

We get to dinner and we immediately begin our playful banter. One of our favorite past times is to horribly embarrass the other person in public. We also have this thing where we thumb wrestle and/or play tic tac toe at the table while we are waiting on our food. As we are sitting there, we start going over show times when Brett informs me that he has to be home by 1:00am. I ask Cinderella why he suddenly has a curfew at the ripe old age of 31. Brett then tells me he has to be home by 1:00 am not because he will turn into a pumpkin but because he is sporting a new court ordered ankle monitoring device. I ask you... What the french?

Brett has had some trouble with drinking in the past. He may have one or two or even three DWI's under this belt. This much I knew. However, the powers that be recently decided that he could no longer be trusted and gifted him with this beautiful new bling for his ankle. Again... What the french? Am I really sitting here? Is this really happening? I sat there in silence for what felt like forever. After that, all I could do was laugh. I mean really... what is a girl to say when their boyfriend may have been on an episode of cops?

I am not sure if I always over react or he always under reacts in these situations, but I found myself again sitting next to him in complete shock. Did my little mom smoker really just tell me that he is wearing a flippin ankle monitor? As always, Brett tries to simplify the problem. He tells me that it is no big deal because he only has to wear it for three months. THREE MONTHS? When did I sign up for this and how do I cross my name off of the list.

I wish I could tell you that I took Brett home after dinner. I didn't. We still went to the movies, I still laughed my butt off, and I still let him hold my hand in the theatre. I spent the rest of the weekend as planned. I held myself hostage in my apartment only coming out for food or to walk the dog. I watched the 103 movies I rented at blockbuster, I cried like a five year old, and I hit ignore on my cellphone more times than I can count.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Bitter Party of One, Your Table is Now Available

As many of you know, this week has been especially tough. With fathers day rapidly approaching I have been quite the bitter bear. I would really like to find a random person to stab right in the eye.

Between my tearful eyes and total lack of regard for others on Tuesday, it turned out to be a complete douche of day. Oddly enough, all I wanted in life that day was a chocolate chip cookie. I cannot explain it. A) I do not like chocolate B) I rarely crave sweets. It was all I could talk about at work and I made sure everyone in my path new about it. I wanted a big fresh baked chocolate chip cookie and I wanted it delivered to my desk. Obviously this did not happen.

I ended up completely losing it when I got home from work. I was ridiculous mess and as always I reached out to the one person in my life that always understands and never judges me, my mom. I called her in tears and regurgitated everything that had been running circles in my head. She listened and offered to come over to be with me. Minutes later mom showed up at my door in her PJ's. In her hand was a giant fresh baked chocolate chip cookie.

I had not mentioned to my mom during our phone conversation or at any other point that day that I had been craving a chocolate chip cookie. A drug rep had brought in lunch for her office that day. She originally brought the cookie home for herself. On her way out of the door that night she remembered the cookie and brought it with her. Somehow she knew that I might need it.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

This is Exactly How I Feel Today

I am so over this week.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Perfecting Your Boat Dance...

It was a perfect day in Chicago. 75, sunny, and a cold beer in hand. The boat rocked gently as we laughed and enjoyed the warm summer sun. It was the kind of day that you dream about while sitting in your office. You picture the blue waters of Lake Michigan, the pristine white boat glistening in the sun, your friends laughing and telling stories of the night before, and the incredible backdrop of the city just outside of your reach. Then a boat named Controlled Chaos rolled in.

If I had to guess I would say that there was at least 20-25 people on this boat. It had speakers the size of a small Asian man and it sounded like it was a floating MTV beach house. Everyone was dancing and jumping to the beat of what could only be described as "Now that is what I call ecstasy volume 2". The women were rocking their "boat dance" as they worked the poles and the men pumping their chests to the repetitive beat. I could safely bet that the only sober person on that boat was the eight year old that was jumping off of the back of it.

Then came the bubbles and the siren. It was like a floating gay bar within a matter of minutes. Every time the DJ blew the ridiculous siren, each of the dancing retards (now pronounced ritards) went ape shit. Everyone on our boat was of course fascinated with this floating clown show. It was like a car crash... we could not take our eyes off of it.

To our horror we saw another boat approaching. The second boat was just as full of people high on everything but life. As they passed us, we realized that their music was even worse and I didn't think this was even possible. After several attempts, the boats were finally able to hook up despite the impaired mental capabilities of each passenger. The two boats then combined into one floating ecstasy trip. At that point, the laughing from our boat got much louder.

One boater in particular seemed to grab our attention. She had long brown hair that was pulled into braided pig tails that hung at her side. She was wearing a gold bikini top and a white wrap. She was shaking her groove thang like it was about to fall off. She moved to her own beat and really did dance like nobody was watching. She had a drink in hand and raised her glass about every thirty seconds without missing a beat. It was obvious that this was not her first boat party. She had been perfecting her boat dance for some time now. She was a rock star, well at least in her head.

We left before the floating STD or as it is better known to the club kids in Chicago... "Controlled Chaos". With the kind of party that was going on above deck, I can only imagine the DNA that was being shared below deck.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I leave for Chi-Town today. I am beyond ready for a mini vaca. I'm going to let my hair down and party like it is 1999.

This weekend will be the first of many that I will spend with my brother. We have become so close since Dad died and I can honestly say that I don't know what I would do without him! I am also looking forward to meeting my nephew for the 1st time. Mr. Jameson. You could bottle and sell the sheer amount of adorable that is in this picture! I am sure that he will love me as much as I already love him!

I know that the next few days will be full of laughter and also tears. I am ready. I cant wait to run up to Eric and Jamie in the airport and give them a big hug!

Monday, June 8, 2009

I Wish I Knew How to Quit You

I could not get rid of Brett Michaels fast enough this side of three months ago. The man was on my last nerve and I wanted to break his knee Kung Fu Panda style. I stopped taking his calls and tried to move on. Unfortunately, this was not as easy as I first thought. As much as I wanted to strangle this man, I started to miss him after a while.

Brett was a big part of my life for the better part of a year. He was there when no one else could be. He made me laugh and he never, not even once, put up with my shit. (I so need that) I missed the things he brought to my life. Also known as the things I easily forgot once he started to annoy me. Things like him giving me a hard time or sending me a stupid text message during the day. I missed his dumb laugh, his retarded jokes, his constant cleaning of my kitchen, the sound of his voice, the way he eats, how he let Jersee sleep on his neck at night, his genuine desire to make my home better in anyway he could, the way he scratched my back, how well he got along with my family, his southern manners, the way he held my hand every time we where in the car, his ridiculous nick names for me, and mostly... his friendship. Above anything else, Brett and I were friends and I missed my friend.

He spent all last weekend with me. He was so much happier and thankfully back to his old self again. He was fun to be around and he managed to keep me laughing from the time he came over until the time he left. Brett is uncomplicated and I so appreciate that about him. There is no stress about where this is going or when can he see me again. We are both incredibly independent people and I need that right now.

I am not expecting the "fairy tale" when it comes to Brett. Its this simple, I will let him make me happy until he doesn't anymore.